New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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