ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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