i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
