so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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