she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize