Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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