he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
