Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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