I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
