I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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