I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
