i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
