I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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