i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize