Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
