I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
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