What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
