Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dignity is for republicans.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
