too bad you live with your parents still
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
