Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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