she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
