He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Randomize
