As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
