i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
