Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
