So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
