i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
