Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
