We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
