Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
