If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
high people should be assigned attendants
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i think my cat just said my name.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
