We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The struggles of a small town man whore
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
