I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
