at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
