Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
