when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
