so explain again why im purple
no
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
