woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
