the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
