You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
