would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
