If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
