I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
