He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
