Don't you send me to vm
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
