I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
