***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
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