i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
