He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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