i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
