the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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