I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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