let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
organizing the empties. That sober.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
