I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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