I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
