I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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