I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
a search helicopter?!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
