Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
