Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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