..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
