i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
