Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
