I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
