I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize