He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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