I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
