No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
