Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
